Welcome to the Relationship section of our blog. Today we discuss BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS THAT LAST preached by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo. We know you will enjoy this…
At times when you find people making relationship mistakes, it is because they are talking to the wrong people. Marriage doesn’t have to be hard and stressful and joyless. You don’t have to fight in your marriage. It’s not compulsory to fight in your marriage. One thing you should do before getting married and even in marriage is to have a brainwash. Brain washing is not bad if it is done with the word of God. Before getting married you will hear a lot of comments, most, negative.
“You two will fight but learn to say sorry”
“You can’t trust men”
“You can’t trust women”
“It’s going to be tough”
If you place these comments side by side with the word, you will realize that they are not true. A lot of these comments are born out of cultural perspectives. Culture is not bad but before culture came to be, before the wisest man in your family and hometown was born, there was SCRIPTURE. That many people have bad experiences about marriage doesn’t mean marriage itself is bad. Experiences cannot cancel God’s word.
Romans 3:4 let “Let God be true and every man be a liar…”
Marriage started by God and God is the final authority on marriage. When God spoke about marriage, He said it was something good.
Genesis 2:18 “It is not good for man to be alone…”
Ecclesiastes 4:9 “Two are better than one …”
Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord.”
Heb 13:4 “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled…”
God has a good picture of marriage, it is we humans that are making it look and seem difficult. It is so important you have the correct perspective on marriage before going into it. Some single women still have the mind set of ‘I know my husband will cheat on me but no matter where he goes to, I will still be the woman in the house’ This mind set is saddening and not right. Yes, some men cheat but who says you have to marry a Godless man.? Who says your husband has to cheat on you?
‘My husband and i will be fighting, but we will settle eventually and that will make us closer’
People that sell the ideologies that many have now turned into a personal law and mind set are not nearly as wise as God. Before that magazine/soft sell came to be, God already instituted and ordained marriage and how it should run. Build your marriage according to God’s word. Every information you get about marriage must be weighed with the word of God. If it doesn’t align, don’t follow it.
1 Corinthians 7:28 “But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.”
What this scripture means is that marriage is going to place a demand on you. It’s just like going to school, it was demanding. It doesn’t mean you must fail, what it means is that you will do things that before now you are not used to. When you are single, there are things you do that now that you are married you might have to adjust. At times, what causes conflict in marriage is that, a lot of people get married but are still single in their minds. They get married but still want to live the same way they did as singles. There is going to be a demand on your flesh. Marriage is work. Once you realize this, you won’t rush to get married. The feeling and longing to get married will be there but the decision to eventually go into it will not be rushed. In the words of Pastor Mildred Okonkwo “Marriage is an assignment not a reward” Many people enter marriage thinking it is a reward. They believe they are there to be served and helped. They still don’t understand that marriage is an assignment; it means that you are sent into someone’s life to help them and push them to fulfill and live out the call of God on their life. A lot of people prepare for the wedding but do not prepare for the marriage. They fail to realize that wedding and marriage are two different things. The wedding last for a few hours, the marriage starts immediately after the wedding and lasts for a lifetime; the wedding is a ceremony, the marriage is a covenant; the wedding is in the presence of people, the marriage is just between two people.
How many books on marriage have you read?
Have you done marriage counseling?
What steps are you taking to equip yourself for marriage?
A lot of people have a successful wedding and a bad marriage. If you can enter marriage with the understanding of what God has called you to do, the role you are supposed to play; your decisions will no longer be based on how beautiful she is or how handsome he is. If for instance, you are a footballer, and you need to chose a goal keeper, will you pick a goal keeper because he is handsome or because he can keep goals? You will pick based on FUNCTIONALITY. Can this person complement what God has called me to do? Can this person help me and push to my full potential?? These questions, you ask before you get into marriage. Beauty is good, it is good to be attractive, but on the long run beauty can only do so little. When you need functionality, ‘beauty’ will not get the job done.
Your perspective about what marriage is and should be needs to be checked and aligned with the word of God. Marriage is an assignment and not a reward. A lot of single people still believe that marriage is all about romance, kisses, hugs and sex. Yes, there is romance in marriage but marriage is NOT limited to just these. It includes all these and SO MUCH MORE. There is functionality in marriage.
1 cor 7:33-35 “I want you to live as free of complications as possible. When you’re unmarried, you’re free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Master. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse, leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend on caring for and nurturing each other, the unmarried can spend in becoming whole and holy instruments of God. I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions.
Marriage is going to demand of you. You will cook, you will wash, you will do chores, you will have sex when you don’t want to. Marriage is work. It doesn’t have to be hard or cumbersome but you will work. So that mind set of ‘now that I am married I can rest’ is faulty. So many singles believe marriage is a way to get sex legally, yes sex is involved in marriage, it is an integral part of marriage but married sex at times may not be fun. Inside marriage, sex is not just for fun, it now becomes a duty, it is a job. It is dutiful, when one party wants it and the other party doesn’t and it can be beautiful, beautiful when both parties want it.
1 Cor 7:1-5 “Now for the matters you wrote about: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” 2 But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Some things you need to look out for before you get married.
- Marry your friend: This is so important. Marriage is not just sex and prayer, it is primarily for companionship. Marry someone with whom you have things in common with. Marry your friend. If (s)he is your friend then (s)he can survive as your spouse. Don’t marry someone you don’t like because you think the time is going. Don’t make marriage something you tick of your bucket list. Don’t marry because that is the next thing to do. Don’t marry someone you don’t like or share similar values and beliefs with. Be careful of artificial hooking up and Internet connections.
- If you are a child of God, you have a covenant with God. A covenant is superior to a promise. Anything that concerns you concerns God and He has promised to perfect all that concerns you. Don’t go ahead of God in your search of a life partner, let him lead you. God has a higher purpose for who he joins you with. He knows that marriage is meant to fulfill a purpose. You may think it is just for sex but to God it is way more than that.
- Marriage is one thing that will affect you for the rest of your life. Don’t appear desperate. If you are chasing her down, trying to cajole her to commit, you will eventually get tired. Marriage is something that one needs to decide (s)he want to go into. It is a decision. You are not motivated to do it, you decide on your own to go on a lifetime journey with someone. Once you view marriage as a commitment, a commitment to God to spend the rest of your life with someone, he strengthens you for the journey ahead.
- Marriage is service. It is not you coming in to see how you can be served but rather it is you coming in to serve, please, help and push someone for the rest of your life.
If this blessed you, we encourage you to please share on all your social media handles.
We would also love for you to fellowship with us at DAVID’S CHRISTIAN CENTRE
Our service times are
Mainland (Fatgbems Filling station bus stop, Amuwo Odofin, Lagos)
Sundays 7.30 and 9am
Island (Elegushi Bus stop, 3rd round about, lekki)
Sundays 10 am
You can find us on social media too
Instagram and Twitter @dccisland, @dcclagos
You can call us too on 08077714411
We cannot wait to hear from you…
Till next time, please say this COVENANT we have out loud with us,
AS DAVID NEVER LOST A BATTLE, SO WILL GOD’S WALK WITH ME BE…