Hey everyone and welcome to another RELATIONSHIP Blog post from our Love
Dating and Marriage, preached by Pastor K This week promises to be super exciting as we discus so jump right in…
Everywhere you look right now, there is an opinion or counsel on relationships. Everyone believes they have a say on relationships, they can teach relationships. Some even believe that because they are married they can teach on relationships and marriage. There are lots of opinions out there, and if you are not careful and discerning, you might fall victim to false teachings and instructions. As a believer, you must understand that you do not run your life by opinions, you run it by the word of God.
As such, any counsel that is not rooted in God’s word or does not align with the word, you are not obligated to run your life by it.
“There is no wisdom or counsel against God.”
The source of wisdom for relationships, any relationship and life generally is the word of God.
Emotional stress has the power to affect your life greatly.
Today we will be looking at how to avoid broken relationship and promises, how to know when a relationship is heading towards a fall and what to do if your relationship is already broken.
(SOME) WAYS TO AVOID A BROKEN RELATIONSHIP
“There is a season and a time for every purpose under the sun.”
Reading a book ordinarily is good. However, reading a book in an exam hall during an exam is wrong.
The action in itself is right but the timing is wrong.
Timing is so important. It is very crucial to the success of your relationship be it short term or long term. If you are not mature enough to be making relationship decisions, you should not be in a relationship at all. Making relationship decisions can be likened to being asked to choose a DSTV channel to watch out of the many channels it has for the rest of your life. There are food, entertainment,documentary, sports, animation and lots of other channels. If a five year old boy is asked to choose, he will choose Cartoon Network but after a few years, his taste will change. This is because now he is older, his exposure is different and this will reflect in his priorities and eventually his choices.
The level of your maturity will reflect in your choices. You need a level of maturity to be able to handle relationships the way God intends for it to be handled. Chances are if you go into a relationship too young, you might make a wrong decision. Your choice of a life partner when you are young will mostly major on the physical- how fine (s)he looks, how her voice sounds, how she dresses. As you grow older, you will begin to look out for more important things- his belief system, value system, decision making system.
Timing tests the relationship. It has a way of showing if what you have is really worth it. Don’t be in a hurry to move the relationship from one phase to another. Usually, relationships should start from friendship and then courtship and then proceed to marriage. Don’t be eager to move from the friendship phase to the marriage phase. Take your time. Don’t skip details. Go from precept to precept, get to know the person well. Watch how they react under pressure, watch how they handle issues, watch how they respond to situations.
Time also helps you to know if people are who they say they are. Time tests integrity.
“Where no counsel is, the people perish: but in the multitude of counselors, there is safety.”
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.”
“Without counsel purposes are disappointed but in the multitude of counsellors it is established.”
“Every purpose is established by counsel and with good advise make war.”
Counselling is sitting at the feet of someone who is older, wiser and more mature. That person’s wisdom helps you move faster in life and helps you avoid a lot of problems. It is so vital you get counsel in that relationship.
If you are not clear about anything, ask questions. Learn to ask questions. Do not do relationship in isolation or in secret. Have a covering over that relationship.
“Trust in the lord with all of your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways, acknowledge God and He will direct your path.”
Don’t use your brain to run a relationship. Pray. Ask God. Sodom and Gommorah looked green to Lot, he picked it and he lost every single thing in that land. The (wo)man might look green (that is fruitful and flourishing) on the outside but have you prayed about him/her? Have you heard from God about him/her?
If you have never heard from God before, courtship is not the time to start practising. Practise before, let Him lead and guide you in little things until your hearing accuracy becomes good.
WHEN IS IT OKAY TO BREAK A RELATIONSHIP?
It is very important to define relationships. Don’t stay in a relationship with a man that has not made his intentions clear to you. If he is always hanging around you, jealous of other men coming around you but refuses to broach the issue of what you both are to each other and what this relationship is about, stay away. As a woman, you need to protect yourself emotionally. Do not allow any man hold you down in a ‘situation’. Confront him and ask him questions.
“Who am I to you?”
“What are we doing?”
Also, when you get into a relationship, clarify expectations. Ask questions. Some men expect that you will wash and cook for them. Are you okay with it? Clarify expectations.
When is it Okay to Break a Relationship (i.e courtship NOT marriage).
1. When there is no longer love in the relationship
If you notice a consistent reluctance in the person, let them go. Don’t force anyone to marry you. If you beg them now, you will beg them for the rest of your life. Even if it is one day to the wedding, let them go. The biggest mistake you can ever make is to marry someone who you are not sure of. You are not sure of their commitment, you are not sure of their trust, you are not sure of their love. DO NOT ASSUME. DO NOT MARRY BASED ON ASSUMPTION.
“(S)he is just acting like that now but I am sure (s)he will change when we get married.”
Marriage is not for ten years or fifteen years. It is for the rest of your life, you cannot do it based on assumptions.
2. Continous Physical and Verbal Abuse
Do not marry a (wo)man that beats you, that talks down on you, that criticizes and humiliates you in front of others. Let them go.
3. When there is clear proof of broken commitment.
When you notice strange calls, strange text messages, strange degree of intimacy with other people of the opposite sex. Let them go.
4. When you cannot vouch for his Christianity
When (s)he consistently argues God’s instructions, does not believe in going to church, is lackadaisical about his/her walk with God. Let them go.
HOW TO HEAL FROM A BROKEN HEART/PROMISE/RELATIONSHIP
1. Accept the situation and then it let go.
2. Don’t be tempted to do something that will hurt you.
3. Don’t be tempted to hurt the person.
4. Forgive and use the time to get closer to God.
5. Surround yourself with sincere and loving friends.
6. Get involved in creative and productive activities.
7. Be sure to learn from your mistakes.
8. Don’t be too quick to jump into another relationship.
9. Don’t keep communication with the person.
10. Don’t rush the process of healing.
If this blessed you, we encourage you to please share on all your
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Our service times are
Mainland: Fatgbems Filling station bus stop, Amuwo Odofin, Lagos
Sundays 7.30 and 9am
Island: Elegushi Bus stop, 3rd round about, Lekki.
Sundays 10 am
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We cannot wait to hear from you…
Till next time, please say this COVENANT we have out loud with us,
AS DAVID NEVER LOST A BATTLE, SO WILL GOD’S WALK WITH ME BE…