Another Wednesday on the blog means another Relationship series just for you.
This week, we blog on BEYOND FACE VALUE… A message preached by Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo. In a world full of filters and photoshop, marriage considerations requires that you look BEYOND FACE VALUE, and this message is here to set you on the right path…
Please enjoy and don’t forget to share with your circle, and give us your feedback…
A lot of people go into relationships just with the mind set of ‘I want to marry’. Don’t start a relationship just because you want to marry. When you do that, two things happen…
1. It causes pretense. The other person will feel a need to ‘perform’ to meet your expectations. And so, they start to pretend.
2. You will begin to look at that person from the eyes of possibility. Everything that person does whether right or wrong becomes good. This is because you already have a preconceived idea of that person.
Try to genuinely know people. A lot of people are in love with the idea of being in love and so they can’t see. When someone is rude, you say the person is bold, when someone is poor, you say he is prudent and has good money management skills. The view is slightly blurred, you can’t perceive people correctly and this is because emotions are already involved.
Here are 7 ways to see people BEYOND FACE VALUE…
Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day, many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did. But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men, and needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man. John 2:23
You have to be discerning. Not everything that looks good is good.
Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world. 1john 4:1
Christianity is not known by how many Scriptures you can quote but instead, it is measured by your fruits. Every child of God must be like Jesus.
That the man is nice, doesn’t mean he is good. You need to be discerning. Test things.
SEVEN ways to discern people better.
1. Through their actions
Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them. Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.You shall know them by their fruits. Matthew 7:20
Check out the actions. What are the things that drive him, his motives. Money? Sentiments?
Don’t be overly carried away with the romance and feelings of attraction. Ask questions, and look closely at things.
2. Watch out for the words
O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. Matthew 12:34
Look out for the words. Check the words, check what they say. A woman who always has something bad to say about people, beware. A woman that always talks down on her church, her company, her boss. Watch her closely. If you marry her she will say the same about you. Listen to the things people don’t say. Check especially the unplanned ones. The unplanned words that comes out of the mouth are so important, they show the state of the heart. A lot of men mistake hypocritical women for meekness. Be careful of women that are quick to agree with everything you say and do. They have a goal in mind, marriage and usually they will do anything to get it.
At times people can pretend so much, you can never tell who they are except you pay close attention to those careless words that sneaks out of their mouth from the abundance of their heart. It shows the direction of their heart. If you listen closely, you will hear statements that show that they don’t honor God or His word.
3. Their friends
He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Proverbs 13:20
Your friends are a reflection of your values, beliefs and things you accept. If all his best friends are drunks and cigarette smokers, tendencies are, he too is a drunk and a smoker. He might not be drinking and smoking YET but he will eventually. Check the friends, he is keeping. If all his friends are womanizers, carnal, broke, he too will become this eventually. Check out the things that excite him, check out the life of his mentors, if his mentors are wife beaters, fornicators/adulterers and he is still excited about them, beware. Similarly if he doesn’t have friends at all, check it. Check out his mentors, check out his circle of influence and network.
4. Check the dressing
And beheld among the simple ones, I discerned among the youths, a young man void of understanding, passing through the street near her corner; and he went the way to her house, In the twilight, in the evening, in the black and dark night. And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of an harlot, and subtil of heart. Proverbs 7:7
You can know people by their dressing. There are so many loose women today and the first way to know them is by how they dress. Your dressing is a reflection of your heart. Usually, they expose parts of their bodies they shouldn’t. Beware of that woman that always exposes her body, beware of that man that always exposes his body. People like this crave attention, they are attention hungry and an attention hungry person usually is dangerous. (S)He can go to any length to get that attention.
5. Ask God.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
We are at a time where spiritual things are commonized. A lot of people don’t value God and the place of prayer anymore. One of the things you do when you notice you are getting attracted to someone is to pray. Don’t just start buying things or start making plans to commit. Don’t lean on your understanding. You might think you know how to work a woman, or as a woman you might think you know how to attract a man but still end up with the wrong person. If you obey this principle, you can never miss it. Pray, ask God
Lord is there something I ought to know
Lord show me, I like this person, should I go ahead
If you can be genuine and sincere with God and you don’t allow emotions and romance cloud your judgement, you will be directed. Learn to check your heart. Some people that look good might not be good and those you believe are not exactly ‘there’ might be exactly what you need. When you pray and acknowledge God, he opens your eyes to see things and helps you discern people. Some people pray and beg God to approve someone they have already said yes to both in their heart and physically.
Lord please say yes, you know I have never asked you for anything before, just this once Lord, say yes to this relationship, you know I love her/him, please say yes.
In asking God, you must be unattached emotionally and ready to obey God. Go to God in prayers with an open mind. Be open to anything and everything he will say. Don’t start praying when emotions are already involved.
6. His relationships with other people…
A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly Proverbs 18:24
Check his relationship with other people. How does he relate with others? A man that hates his father, mother, sister, brother, friends, colleague, president, and the whole world but loves only you will hate you eventually, you just don’t know yet. Check how he relates with important people in his life. Check how he relates with his family, authorities in church and outside. A man that disregards his pastor, most likely has a disregard for spiritual things too. Check his regard for spiritual things, does he regard the word as the final authority. Don’t marry a man that fears you, marry a man that fears God. The day you are not there he will definitely misbehave but if he fears God and honors his word; that fear and honor will restrain him from doing a lot of things even in your absence. The only reason a woman will submit to you is because God says do, if she does it because of sentiments, on the days she doesn’t feel in the ‘mood’ she will rebel and disrespect you. Be wary of a man/woman who doesn’t fear and follow God.
Check his relationship with his parents.
Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Roman 13:1
Some of the authorities in your life are instruments to give you guidance. These authorities can include your pastor, parents, and bosses. You don’t have to take their guidance if it’s not in line with God’s word.
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. Ephesians 6:2
What this scripture means is that you should HONOR your parents, let what they say be priority in your life but if it conflicts with the word of God then, respectfully decline. If your father asks you to renounce Christ, you cannot obey, but honor is listening to him, letting him speak and air his mind and then very respectfully say NO. Obedience is different from honor. Honor is given to every man irrespective of age, class and relationship. However, you only obey when what is said first conflict with God’s word. Once it does, you can say no, even if that person is an authority. You don’t have to agree with everything, and even if you must disagree, you must do it with honor.
Time is the master of deceit. One of the things that can kill deceit is time. No one can pretend for long, eventually, their real self will come out. Give the relationship time. Don’t rush in. If you rush in, you will rush out. Pace yourself. If you want to rush into marriage then that means you are lacking in patience and patience is one IMPORTANT element you need in marriage. You need patience to succeed in your marriage. A person that cannot wait to marry, is a dangerous person to marry. That excitement will wane eventually. Marriage is not something you should be anxious about or rush into. Don’t be anxious.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God… Phillipians 4:6
Beware of ‘rushers’. A person that rushes into things, usually has a faulty decision making system. If you end one relationship and then enter the next one as a sort of rebound, you will keep breaking your own heart. If you end a relationship, calm down, ask yourself why this relationship ended, evaluate it thoroughly, ask yourself questions before going into another one.
If this blessed you, we encourage you to please share on all your
social media handles. We would also love for you to fellowship with us at DAVID’S CHRISTIAN CENTRE
Our service times are
Mainland (Fatgbems Filling station bus stop, Amuwo Odofin, Lagos)
Sundays 7.30 and 9am
Island (Elegushi Bus stop, 3rd round about, lekki)
Sundays 10 am
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You can call us too on 08077714411
We cannot wait to hear from you…
Till next time, please say this COVENANT we have out loud with us,
AS DAVID NEVER LOST A BATTLE, SO WILL GOD’S WALK WITH ME BE…